As the plot goes (reading from the press release)... "It's graduation weekend, and Sandy Channing, the popular class president of her small-town high school, should be enjoying the time of her life. But when her friends start disappearing, Sandy discovers they have unwittingly awakened the vengeful spirit of a girl they wronged long ago. Fighting for her sanity, Sandy must unlock a dark secret from her own past before it's too late."
Makes you just wanna go straight out and see it, doesn't it? If you ask me, the guy who wrote this logline oughta put down the pen and start working the popcorn counter, instead. A better summery would be Final Destination meets It's a Wonderful Life. Seems more catchy, don't it?
Anyway... Apparently, there's a Fords Modeling Agency in this high school, and someone ain't too happy about it, because all the beautiful kids are getting snuffed out, one by one. On top of that, everyone is starting to forget that the kids even existed (Gasp! I wonder if their portfolios were all wiped out too!). It seems that the ghost of a little girl (Bella Thorne, rumored to be the next Twilight superstar-in-the-making) is still pretty pissed about a fatal prank that the models all played on her. I swear, some kids just can't handle a goddam joke these days!
With all her foxy friends disappearing, Sandy (played by Carly Schroeder, who is killing any buzz she registered with the amazing Mean Creek) can't quite figure out why she doesn't have any friends to remember anymore. Not that they were anything but forgettable, vapid, fashion whoring, beautiful people anyway. but, for some reason, she has that nagging feeling that she's forgetting something. Most likely her go-sees, because she's too busy being chased around by her boggyfriends.
Okay.... you win...
If you've seen TREKKIES, you've pretty much been introduced to this genre of documentary. DUNGEON MASTERS treks the same course -- traveling instead to a D&D convention, and then following three of the more interesting patrons.
As many of the D&D aficionados who attend these conventions and gaming events, Elizabeth likes to dress the part. That being an evil dark elf. All donned in black with striking white hair and elfen ears, she sweeps through the place like an evil fairy goth princess, turning the heads of many a smitten geek. Her full makeup and wardrobe are not only apropos for the venue, but is a nice analogy for her personal life. She moves from job to job, boyfriend to boyfriend, trying to come to terms with a terrible past experience.
Then there's Richard, the middle-aged military guy, who runs a mean game of D&D. His games are controversial, as he'll tell you himself, because the player's characters all seem to just up and die all at once. It turns out that Richard is a major D&D drama queen, and when the game doesn't go the way he wants, or the players don't domonstrate proper respect for their Dungeon Master, he'll suddenly put all players in a predicament in which it is virtually impossible for anyone to survive. The result -- everyone dies, gets pissed, and Richard packs up all his game epuipment and heads home, never to see any of them again. Again, as with Elizabeth, this D&D life mirror Richard's real life. He not only looks for ways to avoid his chores (there's a scary and hilarious scene where he tries to trim the high hedges with a chainsaw), but tells of how he had his ex-wife drive him to the airport, where he boarded a plane, never to return to her and her son. Like his D&D games, he packs up and leaves. Never to return (he does, however attempt to regroup with his estranged son, and some gamers who swore him off after an infamous year-long game crashed and burned).
Scott is the thoughtful, amusing artiste of the cast. He seems to have the most going for him, and turns out to be the lead nerd to root for. Not only is Scott an expert Dungeon Master, but a writer of fantasy who has earned interest from publishers. The ongoing plot is his dream of having his first novel on the bookshelves, and making a life for he and his family. Much of the humor of this doc comes with the segments featuring Scott. His stories of a nerdy childhood are often hilarious, and his struggles with his present nerdiness are insightful, as well as amusing -- not just to us, but to him. What's charming about Scott is that he can laugh at himself. Of course, he has struggles, too. He has cast himself as an outsider in life, and yearns to find a place where he is comfortable, and can be a good provider. His many years of creative writing seem to be his way out... or in, to the real world.
Wow! What a stellar opening sequence! Big time one take shot that moves through a killer frat party. Hot!! Girls dancing with their bums hanging out. Sweet!! An impromptu dance number! Boing!! Half nekkid chicks getting their bellies painted. Why wasn't I ever in a frat? Wait... what's that you say? This isn't a frat party? It's a sorority party? What! But all the frat sisters are talking smut and slamming shots and funneling beers and showing each other their puppies. You sure this ain't a frat party? What's that you say? Oh yeah, you're right... It's a frat boys wet dream.
What a ridiculously moronic movie this was. Yeah sure, hot girls trotting around in drool inducing wardrobes -- I get it! I like it!! I'm not a dick. But please, if there is ever a court trial that will forever outlaw horror remakes, I'm gonna put on my tightest, shortest Ally McBeal courtroom dandy outfit and enter Sorority Row as Exhibit A B C D E F and G. What a load of wasted DNA.
As the wild party drills on, the top dog Sisters gather to toast their graduating and moving out into the real world to be possible future Real Housewives cast members. To top off their night they prank one of the Sister's beaus. He's been a naughty bird, pecking around another girls seedlings, and so, as the Sisters say, you don't mess with a Beta Phi -- or whatever the eff frat they belong to. Anyway, they pretend that he's OD'd his girlfriend with roofies, and convince him that they need to bury her body to avoid ruining their lives. Nice prank, eh! Only the doofus wants to make sure the girl is totally dead by driving a tire iron into her breastbone. Dun dun dah!! What follows is the worst bit of screenwriting ever imagined. Instead of being just scared, stupid, vapid girls trying not to shit their spankies, the writers (I won't embarrass them by revealing names) trot out the most ridiculous speech about damaged images and ruined careers and scarlet letters. But wait -- they didn't murder the girl. The stupid tweaked out boy did. They're scott-free, if they just had any sense. But the more they discuss the situation, the more convoluted it gets. So, long and short -- the Sisters start getting texts (how absolutely trendy) from the dead girl.
Oh snap! Who's sending them? Is it the hot little sister of the dead Sister? Is it the disgusting, smelly janitor who peeks in the windows at their pillow fights (never happened) or is it the boyfriend of the heroine, who is so obviously the killer, because he is so obviously the least likely to be the killer -- oops! I mean spoiler alert.
The direction and writing was def Zeta grade. You can just imagine the writers high-5ing and bumping tummies as they write the words midriff and breasts, and dream up tired, played out kill sequences. I actually have no idea why this even shares the name Sorority Row. It bears no resemblance to the classic original -- aside from the obvious. Is the title suppose to draw the over 40 crowd who would likely have seen the original? Were 20somethings just chomping at the bit, screaming about wanting another remake of a horror flick that they have no prior knowledge of? Honestly, I think they have an octopus on staff, who presses IMDb buttons to select the next candidate for a worthless remake.
I wanted to see this flick when it was originally aired years ago, but never had the chance. I’d read about it and it sounded interesting. Plus Kristen Stewart, then quite the up-n-comer, was impressive for a youngster in the other films I’d seen her in. So, now with the Twilight craze in full tilt, with the latest movie in the theaters, Lifetime Movie Channel leaped on the bandwagon to show this S
tewart starring vehicle about a young girl who has trouble speaking up for herself. What could’ve been easily an After School Special knock-off or an HBO Families In Crisis scare tome… or a standard Lifetime moral play, SPEAK turned out to quite moving. Stewart plays Melinda, a young girl alone. Once she had wonderful friendships, but (as we learn in flashbacks) she had a falling out after calling 911 to break up a summer time party – a party wh
ere, it’s revealed later, something so traumatic has happened that Melinda locks it deep inside her. Now she walks hurriedly through the halls, hollow eyed, holding her books tight to her chest to keep the taunting kids from knocking them away. Her parents are too wrapped up in their own worlds to notice their daughter is depressed, her teachers think she’s trouble, and a new friend (the new girl in school, who isn’t aware of Melinda’s troubles) who cares more about expanding her pool of friends than actually bonding. The only one around who shows any interest in her is the rebellious Art teacher, who notices not only her budding talent, but the troubled soul that needs to be released through expression.
Stewart delivers an impressive performance, one that eclipses (hehe, I’m so clever) her now moppy turns as the popular but limiting Bella Swan of the Twilight series. Watching Stewart move through this 
world of pain and secrets, she makes you want to reach out and take her hand, to sit her down and let her pour out her feelings, so she can once again smile. And what a moment it is when that happens at the end of the movie, when she finally reveals her inner self through her art. Steve Zahn, as well, gives a top performance as the Art teacher who helps Melinda free her “voice.”
For a Lifetime movie, SPEAK lead the trend away from the literal woman-in-peril tomes that became iconic for the cable channel, moving the network towards more meaningful, less heavy handed projects [The film was picked up from the festival circuit by both Lifetime and Showtime to be premiered simultaneously].
The direction by Jessica Sharzer, and screenplay, co-written with Annie Young Frisbie, is subtle but hard, and never retreats to a safer route. They don’t go for weeps or shocks, or hit on the trendy high school clichés. The characters aren’t stereotypes or caricatures, but fully realized people whom we could all relate to, in one way or another. The nasty girls aren’t just Mean Girls whose bitchiness comes off as so-cool-you-wanna-be-her, but rather reflects an honest, fully developed character who has her own real worries. 
Sharzer is ther kind of director Stewart needs to work with more often. Stewart does a great job as the inward tortured soul, so great that she is asked to do that very role in just about every movie she’s in now. She’s a fine actor, with obvious talent and charisma. She just needs directors with more ambition and talent, themselves, who draw out better performances, like this one in SPEAK. 
SPEAK is the kind of movie that I will let my two girls watch when they get a little older. Forget Kristen Stewart’s tortured Bella Swan of the TWILIGHT SAGA. Her portrayal as the individual, but troubled Melinda Sordino is the kind of character teen girls should really take to for inspiration.
