Dear God No! -- BadRonald Sez F&#k Yes!

So long ago I caught the red band trailer for Dear God No! plastered all over FaceBook and various genre blogs.  It started out a little something about "sissies and individuals with heart conditions should not watch..."  Um... press play, goddamit!!

What followed was an onslaught of retro 70s grindhouse mayhem: bikers posing with the backdrop of a drive-in screen and explosions, limbs ripped in two, Bigfoot attacks on Frenken-nazis (whaaaat!) -- but, wait.... they had me at gun-totting dancers with Nixon masks.   Dear.  God.  Yes.

Dear God No! director James Bickert did me an awful kindness by sending out an advanced screener of his crazy-ass mash up of genres.  Holy shit did I have a good time watching this acid freakout!  There have been countless films that flash the grindhouse badge, but rarely none have the actual credentials.  Even the Tarantino/Rodriguez headlined titular ode -- with all its "lost" reels and roughed up negative antics and CG replicated old skool FX -- failed to really captured the essence of real grindhouse fare.  That studio stuff was a little too tongue in cheek, and self gratifying.  Where Bickert succeeded was not just in the look of the old grindhousers -- shooting on 16mm Fuji film stock, and using hands on FX -- but also with the mood and feel of the 60s and 70s experimental weirdo flicks. 

DGN! wastes no time on pleasantries, fouling the minds of the viewer with the opening scene.  An eagle swoops majestically in the clear blue skies, over an open field where the notorious biker gang The Impalers rustle themselves awake after a night of debauchery.  Strewn amongst them are bodies of the nuns they've violated and left for dead.  Holy shitniks!  We're not in your average smiley Hollywood grindhouse rip-off anymore!!!  This is the real deal Neal Sedaka!  This film does exactly what the narrator of the red band trailer says The Impalers do -- "ravishes and rapes and destroys everything that's decent." 

Meanwhile, back at the house in the woods... Nutty scientist and weirdly awkward daughter conduct secret experiments and monstrous studies.  When the Impalers come roaring in for a night of raping and pillaging... well, as the movie trailer warns "What happens in this house will freak you out."

Dear God No! hits the grindhouse on the head.  It works as a hot blooded ode to the trash flicks of 42nd Street, without wallowing in fanboy worship, as well as as a legit piece of drive-in exploitation.  There's even a sappy hippie Last House on the Left song in the closing credits!  So, what more can you ask for?  You've got nun-violatin', kid-slayin' bikers, rampaging Bigfoots, stiched up Franken-nazis, Trcky-Dick strippers with machine-guns, and Manson Family style abortions.  Seriously, Dear God No! rips the heads off all the other grindhouse wannabes, and shits down their puny necks.  It's pure bloody rock and roll trash gold!   Dear God No! -- fuck yes!





Check out my interview with director James Bickert here.

REVIEW: La Bete (The Beast) - 1975 Cult Classic Bigfoot Sex Film!

Once upon a time in the 18th century a mythical hairy beast is said to have roamed the dark woods of an aristocratic estate nestled in the French countryside. One day, the tale goes, this legendary giant beast (and that’s meant in a wink-wink kinda way), with an insatiable lust, sets upon the lady of the house, the beautiful young Romilda (Sirpa Lane in her notorious debut), corrupting her after she naively wanders into his dwellings.

Two centuries later, Lucy Broadhurst (Lisbeth Hummel), an American heiress betrothed to an impoverished male descendant of the once noble family, arrives at the old crumbling estate. After hearing the legend of the beast in the woods, Lucy is beset by terrifying, erotically charged dreams, which lead her to uncover the dark secret of the fabled beast.

The Beast is a notorious cult movie that is so wickedly vulgar, so wildly perverse, that you almost seem embarrassed for having seen it… almost.

Walerian Borowczyk’s nefarious retelling of the oft told tale of Beauty and the Beast had been available only via heavily censored released versions or edited together pirated tapes, since it was notoriously banned for a quarter century. This banishment probably was due to the films morals-shattering glimpses of rape, boy-happy priests, copious faux ejaculate shots, masturbation with a rose, a wig, feet, and even a bed post, horse sex, bi-racial sex, death by sex, and most heinous of all - bestiality! (Well… implied bestiality, actually, which is made very apparent once you see that the “beast” is man in a Bigfoot/wolf outfit). But, by today’s standards,
The Beast’s subject matter may seem fairly tame in comparison (just check out the filthy adventures of Harold & Kumar, and the ejaculate and piss gags in American Pie), though still some of the content in this thirty-year-old film could cause you wince, or at least draw out a “what the…” comment from the most jaded film viewer. Borowczyk’s The Beast is all together vulgar, audacious, witty, provocative and even amusing. At times it’s an absurd sex farce, attuned to one of Benny Hill’s naughtier segments, while other times it’s a gothic horror tale pitting a nubile young woman against an unseen dark force, and even an allegorical fairy tale with ample symbolic imagery for those viewers who are hip to art references (Henry Fuseli’s Nightmare), literary cues (Voltaire), Freud’s dream analysis, and even Bigfoot sex flicks. To be more succinct, you’ve gotta see it to believe it.

For Borowczyk enthusiasts who’ve only ever seen the censored versions of this erotic masterpiece, or simply for the curious cult movie fans, Cult Epics has released it’s definitive presentation of The Beast on 3 discs, including a brand new Widescreen (16x9) transfer with optional French and English dialogue, two hours of Behind The Scenes footage and interviews, stills and lobbycard galleries, and the rare rediscovered “Complete Version” with close to an extended 30 minutes of sumptuous storylines.