Someone's in the house. He's watching. He's creeping round, only you can't see him. He's watching you from the walls. He's right behind you now. Looking over your shoulder. He wants the remote control. He's a bad boy. He wants to watch bad movies. Bad bad Ronald...

Thursday, September 1, 2011

PEEPHOLE REVIEW: Dead Cert (2010)

Lock, Stock and Two Wooden Stakes or The Long Good Twilight

Do you have the overwhelming urge to rip up your vampire diaries?  Or to haul off and spill the true blood of some emaciated emo dink in the twilight hours?  Need a shot of Guy Ritchie-itice in your terror tales?  Maybe you hanker for a little Cockney blood sucker beatdown?  Well, let me recommend some manly vampire action for you... the upcoming Shout! Factory release of Dead Cert.  

Bad guy gone good Freddy "Dead Cert" Frankham (Craig Fairbrass) wants to do right by his wife Jen (Lisa McAllister) and their unborn child by opening a... upscale strip club.  Freddy and his partners -- some of his ex-gangster buddies -- have a tough go of it when they come up against a group of European drug dealers.  The nasty drug dealing part they can handle.  It's the fact that their leader Dante (Billy Murray) is a centuries old vampire lord that is most troublesome.

Dead Cert is loaded with great action sequences, filled with bloody mayhem -- perfect for the horror fans who love their gangster action flicks, as well. And as per usual, the Brits have a clever way with a story, adding some nice understated drama to all the horror action, as well as rich characters (a weasly tough guy, named Magoo, is part bumbling fool and part menacing creep) . It's not as cerebral as some of the other genre flicks out of Great Britain, but it'smart enough, and funny enough, and violent enough -- and doggonit, I like it!! And, oh -- it has the gorgeous Janet Montgomery, too.
Yeah... I know
So, don't go in expecting the teenie bopper vampire trite of today.  This ain't your girlfriend's vampire movie -- that's for fucking sure.  Dead Cert is bloody incredible fun!

Go to Shout! Factory to see what other great DVDs they're putting out.

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